Once in a while I am visited by insecurity. Being partly new at what I do at work and not being trained for it, I cannot help this way when someone gets irritated when I forgot how to get the information which was shown to me last week. I did figure it out by myself anyway but after the fact.
I really want to succeed in this new assignment so I just cannot shrug this feeling of being inefficient, inadequate. I have always prided myself in my work so I beat myself for not trying it again before I asked for help. Am hurt maybe because this is the first time I have received that kind of reaction. It is not like I have been shown how to do it several times and still could not get it. Besides people who do that job I was told are trained for two days and I didn’t.
And it didn’t help that I found out by accident that Sonia, who worked closely with me at the Academy, passed away last week while vacationing in Greece. At least I know she died at a place she loved. The last time I talked to her was before Labor Day, asking her to come to the Greek Fest. Rest in peace my friend.
So going home enervated and unhappy with myself and instead of sulking, I went to my happy place and tried to recall what I did years ago around this date. Well, here is what I found. A Labor Day weekend mini-outing with cousin Wilma and my Mom, months before she was diagnosed with her cancer.
Looking at my Mom smiling and having a great time in the pictures is enough to wipe away my ennui. She was really my rock and still is. Looking at her image and remembering how happy we were, energizes me. I know I could get over this and tomorrow things will be better.
And here’s what I wrote in my blog of September 4, 2007:
ITCHY FEET . . . For now got to settle for a short drive away from the city. And Saugatuck in Michigan fits the bill. The almost three hours drive each way didn’t seem too long. Traffic was non-existent except for a short portion going home, sunny and temperature in the 70s, very low humidity . . . perfecto!
We left very early in the morning, found a perfect parking spot which we didn’t give up until we left, walked plenty, browsed a lot, tasted too much, drank wine, lunch was fish and chips, the ice cream was just the right finish to a wonderful day. Who says I’m on WeightWatchers?
A few pounds heavier, slightly inebriated from wine tasting, a few dollars poorer, we left before sunset. Happy, refreshed and wanting for more.
Where else next?